It is a long read but so true, if you have lost some one you will understand The condolences start pouring in "Sorry for your loss". Some comment, some send private messages, a text or a phone call. People pay their respects at the graveside "I'm sorry for your loss" they say as they shake your hand. The funeral is over. Everyone goes home. "Let me know if we can do anything". It's now time for the next stage of grieving. "I'm here if you need me" is what people say. Some people are not there when you need them though. They disappear from your life after that. Some forever. It's strange how they say they're sorry for your loss, they're sorry for you because you have lost someone you love but then they go and leave you too. So effectively you end up losing another person you loved. Now you have to try and get over them as well. The only difference is they have chosen to leave you. Those people must have not been all that sorry for your loss after all. The first anniversary comes "This has been a tough year for you" people say. The second anniversary comes and maybe some people are still there to tell you everything is going to be alright. The third anniversary comes. There's a whole lot of silence. The day is not marked in anyway. Its hardly mentioned. Its been three years, three whole years since people said "sorry for your loss". That's long enough now, some people think, time to start moving on. You probably have moved on a little. It's not that you don't feel the pain anymore. That agonising, longing feeling still stabs you in the chest and washes over you like a wave when it hits you all of a sudden. You still feel it, often several times a day. The pain is just as bad as the day they died, you feel the pain just as much. The only difference is you've gotten used to it. You suppose that's moving on in a way. No one says "Sorry for your loss" anymore. But it's okay for you to still feel sorry for your loss. You are sorry for your loss every time you wake up and realise it wasn't just a bad dream. You are sorry for your loss when you pick up the phone before remembering there's no one is on the other line. When you hear your song on the radio. When all you want for your birthday is a hug from them. When you wish you could still wrap that Christmas present. When you question why they were taken from you. When you stare at a photograph and feel that longing. When all the important milestones are happening in your life and they are not there to see it. When that memory still has the power to bring you to your knees. When you go to their favourite spot. When you pick up their old scarf and you could swear it still smells like them. When its all going wrong and they are the only person you want to confide in. When you try to make peace with the fact that you will never speak to them again. Everytime you think about how there are no more memories to be made. In those moments, the amount of time that has passed is completely irrelevant. You are still sorry for your loss. When someone dies, it takes a little while for the really hard part to come. The wake and the funeral and the initial grieving period are difficult of course. But what comes next is far worse. The really hard part is when they stay dead. If you're lucky enough to have not experienced this please try to understand. And if you have been unfortunate enough to know exactly what I'm talking about, well then, I'm sorry for your loss.

Our paths my change as life goes along, but the bond between us remains forever strong. I miss you brother xxx

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